It’s almost hard to think about what our world was like before COVID-19 became a part of it. I find myself referring to the time before the pandemic as “pre-COVID” when I’m telling a story, which is a strong indication to just how big of an impact this experience has been on all of us. In an odd way, this pandemic is the one that that we’re all experiencing on a universal level. Each personal experience is unique from the next, and it’s certain that this is something that none of us will forget for the rest of our lives.
Beyond the physical aspect of the pandemic, the virus itself, this moment in time has impacted and affected so many factors of our lives. One of the biggest ways that it’s taken a toll on is our mental and emotional health. Whether we’ve lost our jobs or had to take pay cuts, or if we’re far from family and live alone, or even if we’re already living with a chronic condition and are having trouble accessing our primary health specialist or our treatment – this experience is unique for each and every one of us, and it’s more important than ever to make sure that we’re all taking care of our mental health.
I consider myself one of the lucky ones. I’m fortunate enough to be able to work from home full-time without my pay being affected. While I still get to “see” my coworkers via Zoom, I’m certainly missing the in-person interaction that came with the office, especially with those that I don’t work that intimately with. Because I live alone, I relied on those day-to-day in-person interaction to fill the need of human intimacy – now that I don’t have that, there’s a level of daily loneliness that has increased.
I’m also the only one in my family that lives here in New York City. My family members are spread out over the states, so visiting them hasn’t been a realistic option for me. Again, I’m thankful for our technology these days to keep us in touch, and with FaceTime and Zoom, I can be sure to “see” them on a regular basis, but to the same idea above, it’s certainly not the same.
Something else that I’m grieving that I wasn’t expecting is the city itself. Sure, the past couple of months I’ve been writing about how there’s still plenty to do and see here while we’re in the middle of this pandemic, but I also won’t lie to you: it’s not the same. Because I’m spending so much more time inside my studio apartment, there are many days when I practically forget that I live in the best city in the world. When I was commuting to work, taking the subway, transferring at Times Square, and passing thousands of other New Yorkers a day, I truly felt like I was making the most of my experience of living in this great city. Without that, there’s a level of removal that I’m feeling – I feel like I miss the city, even though I’m still here.
Paying attention to all of these new feelings and emotions is crucial as we continue to move forward into the next couple of months. I still maintain my weekly therapy sessions (virtually, of course), and every week, my therapist starts off the conversation with, “How was this week for you?” I come to those sessions every week prepared and take a deep breath as I recount yet another week of living in quarantine. Sometimes, my emotions are monotonous, just like my days. Often I’m feeling suffocated, defeated, scared, lonely, and worried. There’s so much uncertainty in our world these days that I feel comforted when she tells me that I’m not alone, that these emotions are felt city-wide, state-wide, and worldwide. She urges me to keep reaching out to my friends to talk, video chat, and connect. She urges me to continue to count what I consider lucky while still thinking of others that are struggling in different ways. She urges me to listen to my instincts and write things out if I’m having a tough day. She’s also mentioned that if I ever feel that I need additional help beyond what she’s providing me that I need to tell her so that she can refer me to that additional expertise.
I urge you to do the same, as there’s not a more important time to do this than right now.